idle

Hey.

I haven't been updating for quite a while. To be honest, life has been quite... stationary? You know, that feeling where things are good, everything is in order and yet, it doesn't feel quite fulfilling at the same time.

I don't know. Maybe because I've been on autopilot for the past few weeks. I wake up at 6 AM, go to the gym, then to work at 8.30 AM, i'll either have my breakfast or opening my PC then start working until 12 PM, sleep, pray, toilet break, continue my endless works until 6 PM, go home, then sleep. The routine will be the same for tommorow and the day after, then another, until i don't know when.

I tried hanging out with my friends, and go on solo dates like how I used to every weekend but lately, I feel like something in me is missing and i even leave some of my friends on read, purposely. I don't know what it is but it kinda sucks. Not to mention I have writer's block. Talking seems exhausting, let alone socializing. Being in my own bubble feels a lot more worse than hanging out with people at this point. However, at the same time, small parts of me wanted to do this. To hide away from everyone and everything. But it didn't feel right.

Honestly, i don't know laaa. I should set a temporary goal, kan? Something for me to achieve while in this idle phase.

TAPI

Okay, maybe I know why I feel like this. 3rd of December should be the end of my locus in court AND by that time, I should have finished ALL of my assignments, cause papers, and reports. But hehe... I haven't done a lot 😀😀😀😀 So, i'm like acting it is fine but actually, it's not cause I'll be a fulltime practising lawyer next year 🥲 

No wonder my mom wanted to retire as soon as possible.. I'd want that too!!

 Nevertheless, I hope everything will be fine. I know it will be. I just need something to distract me from this stagnant, lifeless daily life.

Ya Allah, do give me strength and peace , for my heart is empty, and my soul is nowhere to be seen, leaving my body to be a waIking shell on this earth.

Love, Juita.