a talk with younger self

The year 2025 almost comes to an end tsktsk. Time flies! I feel like it was just yesterday I got busy trying to finish my internship report and planning my graduation fit. That was like a year ago.

Looking back, about 5 years ago, I don't think my past self would believe what she will be, living the 9-6 office life, on her way to become a practicing lawyer even! Five years ago my degree wasn't even recognized by the Board. Back then, I had doubts, I thought to myself why am I even trying if my degree wouldn't be helping me in the future? Is this even worth it? Quite the pessimist? Yes, I was.

Now, being where I am right now, I feel like I should have a talk by my jendela with my younger self.

Dearest hana,

    I hope you know that all of these are worth it. It will eventually paid off. The endless assignments, crying, burnt out feeling, all of it will come to an end. In 2021, you will no longer see your degree as useless. You'll cry on the day of the announcement of your degree being recognized, and the next thing you know, you graduated with Second Class Upper, you'll be called for interviews, land on a job that you didn't know was supported by your degree, though it was hard on the first two jobs but, you'll eventually stand up for yourself. You always will and always have.

    Although you will be mentally exhausted and ill in the next two years, I want you to know that you will always have me, in every hardship you are facing, I want you to lift your head up and look in front of you. You'll see the successful future self. She will be there waiting for you, will live up to the dreams we always wanted. Just like myself today. Whenever I feel like giving up, I'd do the same as I told you. Our future self is counting on us, so don't you ever feel like you are alone.

    While you are chasing your dream you'll lose good people in your life too. Some of them were the ones that you love the most. But I want you to remember that, people come into your life to shape you, teaching you to be the better version of yourself. And when their existence is no longer needed, they will be removed by Him for your own good. It hurts. I know it hurts and I want you to be strong when the time comes. You'll relapse. You'll overthink about every memories you had with them, looking for the sign, the exact time when they decided to leave. Do remember this one too. People change, and so are you. You'll meet new ones too. People who will see the value in you and choose you everyday. Those who will keep you close and never let go. Those people exists and they will be in your life soon and you'd know who are those people I'm talking about.

    To the younger me, I wish nothing but the best for you. I hope you'll realised that all of this is just a temporary hardship. Believe it or not, we'll get thru it eventually. In a meantime, when time is tough, sit by this jendela and reflect. It ours. Thank you for being the strong person you are. If it is not because of you, me, and this jendela wouldn't exist.

Our future self is still waiting for us at the end of this road. 

Love, Juita.