old piece, same view

12 Jan 2022

When I was 16, I learned that love should be exciting, It should be the one where all you can feel are butterflies, Jealousy between two pair of eyes, Finding ways to prove that the other one actually cares. Love should be the one that makes you feel it all at once, Where most of your moments were fluctuated, like the waves, Making your adrenaline so high as it reach the top, And makes you feel the serotonin drop instantly when it hits the lowest tide. As I reached 21, I realised that love is not what i think it is. Love shouldn't be the hurt in your tummy, It shouldn't be a competition of making the other one hurts the most, It shouldn't be that way. Instead, Love should be calm and peaceful, like the river. You let it flows, going through the stones, Sure there are bumps along the way but, The hilly way means nothing, If both of us could just let it come through our way and eventually, we'll find our way in between the creaks of the rocks.

This is a piece that I wrote for someone back in 2021, though that person is no longer in my life, I still view love the same way. It was inspired by "This Love" by Taylor Swift, and that song holds a special space in my heart I could literally write a LOT about that song only hahahah.

Fun fact: That song is actually a poem wrote by her!

The song became a muse to me because I truly believe that no matter how far you go from a person, if it's meant for you, they will always come back, one way or another. In This Love, Taylor use the waves as a symbol of her lover, in which her lover will always come back especially when she needed the lover the most. And as for me, I'm using river as a form of love.

Growing up, we always take butterflies in our bellies as a sign of infatuation. But as Halsey's mom said, it is a warning sign for your body to go away from the person. Butterflies in your belly just mean your body is not safe being around them. I also thought that envy and jealousy also could be born out of love. I mean there's like a small truth to it but overall, the love you feel should not cause that kind of feeling.

It took me 21 years to finally know what kind of love that I wish to have. What kind of love I deserve to feel.

And so, from my own piece, I can say that love is not an easy thing and yet, it should also not feel that difficult for you to earn. As long as you're with the right person, those hardships and calamity will be easier to face. You know, I've experienced this with a friend of mine, Nuris. We don't really have a good start, she was my bully! HAHA but still, who would've thought, 18 years later we're still in each other's orbit. The rough patches of our friendship are now becoming bearable as both of us know how much this meant for us. May God Bless her always for keeping up with my shenanigans. 🥹🤲🏻 Regardless, I hope whoever is reading this, who thinks love must always be a wild ride of highs and heartbreaks, finally realizes that you deserve peace and not anxiety disguised as love. Love, Juita.