a hint of you

13/10/19

it was a Miracle meeting at the most unexpected time.

I immersed in your love with no attempt of rising.

Knowing damn well i wouldn’t survive.

but As you pull me closer, i changed my mind,

with that sweet voice of yours,

you look deeply into my eyes, you say,

“darling, i Hope this love will never die.”

-hana

This was a writing that I made for one of my friends. He used to be the sun in my life, always brings me up whenever i feel the lowest. He never care about what others say about him. He knows that he is not very likeable by many, but he choose to ignore that and still be kind to everyone.

We met in high school. As much as I wish this is just a made up, but he was my love at first sight. I sensed his presence and all I could think about is how I know this person will be someone in my life. And he did.

We had a rocky, terrible, roller coaster type of relationship. We were just kids after all. I had enough of the push and pull we had, so I cut him off for a year after I graduated. Until, one day, I thought to myself, "What's the worst thing could happen? We've moved on, right?"

Little did I know that one unblock button could change my whole life in a span of three months. We talked again, this time, more mature and grounded. And we decided to try again cause we both know that we are better version of ourselves compared to when we were in high school.

It all went right, until one morning, he called me while I was in the class. It was unusual of him to call me during the hour. But I called him back and he told me something that is out of blue and random.

"I just wanted to tell you that in case of anything, if something ever happened between us, I want you to be happy. If one day, you find someone who is better at treating you, don't think about me, and just go. I want you to be happy. I will be happy for you."

What an odd thing to say, huh?

I was mad, of course. Fuming even. Why on earth are you telling me this when we are actually together? and can't this be done through text? He then told me that he don't know either why that thought came up to him. And he thought that this is something that he should say in a call.

As a person who knows him well, he often joke about him ending up with someone else and not me. So, when he said that I will be the one who moved on from him is so baffling and unusual.

Unbeknownst to me that a week later after the call, he got into an accident, in which he was the only one who died at the scene, and everybody else survived...

27/4/2019 was the day my life turned upside down. No one knows about us yet at the time. We've only been together for 3 months. It ended too soon. We planned on meeting each other's parents that year. No one knows. Just me and him.

Imagine going to the funeral and everybody thought both of you had ended long ago, just for you to show up in the most miserable state. It felt unreal. At least for me.

We just texted that morning. I told him to be safe. He was so happy the night before with his friends. But I guess, Allah had a better plan for him, and for me.

If you ask me honestly, he wasn't really my type. He is loud, friendly, playful, and likes to tease me whenever he had the chance to in the school hallway. Yet, somehow, I still find him beautiful in his own way.

To you who is no longer here, I pray that you're having the eternal happiness and always be blessed by Allah. I apologize for the misunderstandings we had throughout our relationship. And I know that you know how much I care for you, despite our disagreements in some things. I admit that I was inconsistent with the way I love you. I was the one who push you away when things were good, I guess I was too scared to let you in at that time. I'll visit you soon. In a meantime, I hope you come into my dream more often. I used to be scared that I'll forget how you used to laugh and how your face looks like. But it is something that expected to happen, right? Regardless, I still keep you in my prayers, always. Rest well and Happy 25th Birthday, Amir Hakim Mohd Nasser 🤍